and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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