I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
