we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
