drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
