All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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