He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
