I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize