Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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