Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
