My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
