Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
