i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
