is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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