I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
