dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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