i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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