she was so not down for the gang bang
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize