Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
