Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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