You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
