I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize