we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
