I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
