it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
