This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
