My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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