Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well you can't waste a boner
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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