if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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