I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
