So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
