I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
