Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
