oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
