Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
