and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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