I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
