Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
