i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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