I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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