3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
