I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
