Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
