It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
