Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize