you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
