Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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