Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
