You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
