If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
