apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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