listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
