The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
