i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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