Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
