when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
