If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
