tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
