How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
