I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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