I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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