Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
