This girl is more easily done than said...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
