Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize