you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
