Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
