She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
